THE CONDITIONS IN "UNCONDITIONAL"

As a mom of a couple of teenage boys that are predisposed to mental illness and substance abuse it may become somewhat difficult to maintain the unconditional love motto; that would be just because in essence we are human and can tolerate so much. Many a times I wonder just what it is that I'm doing and is it enough, and as I am doing all of this how come nothing gives! An overwhelming feeling of guilt and pain quickly posses my being and it truly impairs my way of thinking. The good thing about this is that I am aware that this happens and I am able to reach out to an enormous support system that I have established throughout the years. I am quickly given a reality check and as things are put back into perspective I realize that there must be conditions in this "unconditional love" motto. I love my children but truly dislike their behavior, there is no reason why I should tolerate their disrespect and lack of, well just about everything. It at times feels like I'm living with the enemy. We try so hard to protect our family from harm, and in many instances I have felt that they will harm me . We protect our belongings by locking our door and the burglars are inside my home. The destruction is far beyond the material things I feel that I am being consumed little by little each and every day; it affects us all and that yet has sunk in. At times I speak to people and try to explain different circumstances and subject myself to the torturous responses of "WELL ANY CHILD OF MINE MUST DO WHAT I SAY" or "YOUR GROUNDED" even better "NO PRIVILEGES". You know all this sounds great and dandy but when your dealing with a child that is impulsive down right violent and aggressive it doesn't work. When your child walks out without permission regardless of your request it doesn't work, and when you child destroys their own property what do you have to take? So options are limited as so I see it. I refuse to replace any broken items and pray alot for their safety, I no longer can keep them under my wing warm and safe nor have I been able to pass along the necessary tools for them to appropriately manage their behavior in our society. As their mother I have had to lower the expectations that I have had for them, truly this has helped me deal with alot. I have had to give them a large dose of tough love that sometimes is harder on me. I have had to surrender let go and as a parent well that's pretty hard to do when in fact you know that your child is not capable. Constantly I am looking for new ideas, brainstorming, to see just what I can do that could be helpful and alleviate their stressors and maintain them focused and positive, this is and endless task one that I cannot fail I must not falter.