SURVIVING YOUR CHILD

at one point or another i knew that this was something i wanted to share but i guess that i was not prepared until now. surviving a child can be so difficult you might even say that it is indescribable however possible, there's no other choice but to do so... i've had to bury two of my children i'll reflect in one of them today. let me take you back to the moment april 1996. a beautiful monday morning spring was all over and things were smoothing out as the year was passing thru, at work i am located by an entourage of folks people that i hadn't met and was called into a private office the things that raced thru my head were nothing compared to the news that i was about to receive; there's been a terrible accident your son is at the hospital its not good you need to go right away. i was paralyzed motionless and found it difficult to swallow. immediately people around me reached out and i was transported to the hospital, i found my way around the intensive care unit and before i knew it i was by his side, there were no traced of such trauma that i imagined while getting there, so automatically i grasped a bundle of hope and knew that this would pass and months from now i would reflect this as a blessing, a blessing that would eventually bring us close together as mother and child since i had not been raising my son for over ten years. after a couple of hours i was confronted by a lady by the name of harris she made calls and i was asked to leave the hospital, i could have left but how could i? i also made calls of my own and advocated for my families rights and sure enough they were granted, my presence was uncomfortable to them so they opted in leaving i didn't... there were machines and a special bed and all kind of test and then a meeting, the organ procurement team came to talk to me i guess then and there i knew that the time had come and the blessing i so wished for would not be realized in our lifetime. 17 years old a whole life in front of him to live and enjoy and all i could think about was my loss, how selfish can one get how selfish was i that i was not valuing my sons life. that still did not deter me from that feeling. all the papers were signed and yes georgie did die but his life had a purpose all his accomplishments and achieved goals as the ones that were decided for him by his mother. donating all of his organs gave a sense to an otherwise senseless accident it brought hope to families that were awaiting a fatality to bring life to their love ones. in essence it allowed him to live on in others to give the ultimate gift, the gift of life. as the days passed i would not dare question the fact of my child's death but understood that life and death is a marriage one that no one can separate and all i could do was to assist comfort and let him go with dignity. i miss my son and am full of wonders how now he would be 30 and where he would be in life; i regret the time lost and the moments that were not shared and it leaves me to understand that life is fragile uncertain and as it comes it goes, the time is NOW reach out love live and laugh, cry and embrace... why wait why take the risk yesterday is the past tomorrow is yet to come but today is the present. the present that god gives us to do as we understand.. do you understand what you want out of today? do you dare hold on to resentment or pride, will you go on living wishing what if? i don't, life is precious my family means the world to me as do my friends... in want to share,laugh,cry,scream,support,carry,resolve, love,i want to be a part of LIFE...