BROKEN NOT DEFETED

time and time again i come to the same issues. what now? i just recently am recovering from an infection that even had the doctors baffled. i remember going to the doctor on friday and by saturday i was in bed with a fever vomiting and all 206 bones in my body were aching. i spent the whole weekend in this and come monday i managed to go to an appt i had scheduled only cause i had a ride. went back home in bed and continued to well feel awful, tuesday at on point were there was a tad of energy i managed to drive myself to the dr.s office, immediately they put me thru urgent care and monitored me and came to the conclusion i needed to be hospitalized. somewhere god managed that i drive back home and wait for my husband by this time i believe i was delirious and in pain and not thinking straight. packed a bag and headed off, i was literally removed from the car and rolled into the hospital by the nurses, as soon as my vital were taken i was whisked to another part of the hospital where i started receiving medical attention. vitals bp 80/40 temp 103f i couldn't even moan it was not in me i looked around and thought would i be at my end i hadn't seen my child , of course i left him instructions to go to the neighbors and there he would be taken care of until mom came back home but what if thats not the case? i spent 48 hours baffling science and my body was truly taking a beating. the breakthrough comes and they figure out the bacteria and the proper meds and i'm put on them they struggle to higher my bp but at many times was impossible.in my delirious state i recall asking god for help and as time passed i saw myself seeking answers only He could provide. i spent two more days at the hospital and am released on friday with a promise to appear kinda deal to see the dr after the holiday so i go home. thank god i'm coming home, as i arrive i see my son on the block with some friends we drive up home its about 7:30 pm and i go inside.i'm not feeling my best but i'm home... 1:30 am and my son still has not arrived not even to see my face he decides that he'll jump the fence and not knock i know this because i heard him and saw him walking in the back yard like a ferocious bull full of anger i chose to not go there and if he wanted in he need to knock on the front door. in the morning my husband saw him and opened the gate ,later that morning i turned on the computer to try to catch up with some banking and BAM BAM $326.74 in charges in 6 different occasions all within the time i was in the hospital in a gas station. yep you already know, so i wonder whats going on in his head while his mother is in the hospital all he can think about is how to fuck me over he hates me i suppose what do i do? I NEED FEEDBACK ON THIS ONE!!! am i the town idiot that has been targeted to get a $900.00 phone bill $600.00 cable endless transactions at a gas station for gas while my car is parked at a hospital garage? did i count the money in my wallet wrong or did i have $40.00 more? am i tossing out my jewelry so far i have not been diagnosed with dementia nor do i have alzheimer's. so far what i do have is a tough road to travel this punk might have literally broken me but i am not defeated if he cannot appreciated all the effort then i must apply that to myself because i will be grateful to myself if i get better. theres no pretty way in ending this blog no matter what angle you look at it.so love life those that show they care and love yourself.